In my practice I see men and women who are becoming increasingly frustrated at not getting what THEY want from relationships. Many are unaware that in this behaviour they are regressing back to the small child who didn’t get their needs met by their carers: mother, father or other primary carers. These unmet needs were so painful as a child that feelings get repressed by the subconscious and 'forgotten'.
In adult relationships when emotionally triggered, they come from a place of their 'wounded inner child', a child who is angry or upset that their carers didn’t give them enough attention, praise, validation, love, or let them do what they wanted. They then unconsciously project these unmet needs, usually onto their partner; the repressed anger, blame, frustration that has been 'split-off' and deeply hidden. This is a 'drama game'.
Part of becoming 'whole again' or bringing together these split parts of one's self, involves being able to increase awareness, become more conscious and take an honest look at how you are contributing to these situations, accept your part and understand what attachment issues are at source. It can be difficult to do this alone, and some people also struggle to put their wounded ego aside to do this work, which is where a good therapist can help.
How are you contributing to the 'drama game' in your relationships?
Join us next week for part 2 … it’s time to visit the wounded inner child.
Contact us to find out how we can help you improve your relationships, help you show up unashamedly and achieve depth and intimacy.
Clare Legge is an experienced coach and psychotherapist. Specialising in trauma, attachment, transitions and self-worth issues.