'Wounded' inner child in adult relationships ... do you recognise yourself?

Part 2 of 3 ... of understanding communication, projections and managing your combined energies in relationship.
Clare Legge, 3rd August 2018

Note: the following is written from a heterosexual perspective, but the dynamic equally applies to all relationships.

Do either of these scenarios resonate with you?

A woman with unmet father needs…

• Father was cold and distant and didn’t give her enough attention growing up.
  
• It affected her ability to integrate her femininity, as a father would have been the first man in her life to recognise that side of her.
• She spends her life going from relationship to relationship changing herself to match each man in the hope she will win his approval. Thus meeting the unmet needs for validation and love from her father.

• She regresses to this wounded child, becoming needy and angry when she doesn’t get what she wants.
• Her conscious partner leaves, in doing so he's unconsciously trying to show her this wound, show her the gaping hole within herself where she has refused to stop and start loving herself.
• Through this wounding she has continued to believe she can be happy, fulfilled and whole if she has the love of a man.
• Seeking love and validation outside of herself. This is a void that no man can fill.
• She has to heal these wounds and learn to love herself.

A man experiences a cold and unloving mother...

• She is more often than not angry and frustrated and will take this out on him as a child.
• He would repress his anger and could not express it or he would experience her wrath.
• Through this conditioning he learnt to ‘people please’ and to do whatever was necessary to keep his mother happy to avoid her outbursts.
• As an adult he attracted volatile and cold women leaving him feeling lonely and empty.
• He felt that nothing he did was enough and that he was unworthy of love.
• With a conscious woman, when he tried to use the same methods to ‘control’ the situation and gain the attention he wanted it didn’t work.
• His partner would not allow herself to be manipulated.
• This caused arguments and he would regress to the angry child who wasn’t getting his needs met.
• Lashing out with hurtful words causing further distance between them.

Can you see how these situations can play out in relationships, often without any conscious awareness of what is happening?

• Are you ready to show some love and compassion to those injured parts of yourself?
• Can you forgive yourself for reacting in these ways?
• Can you find space in your heart to forgive yourself and others?

 
If you answered 'yes' … then you're more than ready for the relationship of your dreams

Contact us to find out how we can help you improve your  relationships.
Join us next week for part 3 … masculine and feminine energy in all of us.

www.clarelegge.com
https://www.facebook.com/BeyondYourBelief/

Author: Clare Legge  www.clarelegge.com

... is a Business Transformation Consultant, Coach, the 'Man's Man's Mentor', Psychotherapeutic Counsellor, and Author of 'Love Your Numbers' The Anatomy of Success series.