Richard's (49) story of how releasing past issues and associated unconscious anxious and angry feelings, is helping him achieve his potential and have more fulfilling relationships
For some time, my wife and I had been having some problems at home. We were growing apart and I had also noticed that as our teenage son was growing older, he had become distant and disconnected from me, often leaving the room when I entered. My wife spoke to me at length about how angry I always seemed and she thought that this was the reason for the distance between me and my son and also felt this was the cause of conflict that I was having at work. I didn’t agree, I didn’t feel angry. As far as I could see, it was everyone else that was causing the conflict and I was always able to provide a reason or find an excuse not to apologise if my behaviour upset anyone. It just wasn’t my fault. Gradually as things took a turn for the worse, I made a decision to seek help.
I initially contacted Clare to have an informal chat. Clare had been supporting my wife through a difficult time and she had always struck me as someone I could really talk to. I felt able to be completely honest with Clare and express my true feelings, something that I hadn’t been able to do since I was a small child. Clare helped me to identify that my problems were more about control than anger. These were manifesting themselves through a strict set of rules I was following and expecting others to do the same. This most likely stemmed from a strict upbringing as the child of a single parent. My childhood was a difficult one as my parents were only 17 when I was born and were divorced when I was around 4 years old. I remember my father leaving but following this, I had successfully blocked out several painful years of my childhood and simply had no memories from this time.
Clare has helped me to see that I have been holding on to things which have happened to me in the past, both personally and in my employment. I have learned to identify when I’m pointscoring and learned to forgive others. I have previously been low in empathy but now I am able to feel how my behaviour affects everyone around me. I have also learned how to turn negative automatic thoughts into positive ones. I had always been able to avoid apologising even when I knew I was in the wrong. Clare has shown me ways to review situations and therefore make considered responses to take the heat out of situations rather than raising my voice.
The combination of counselling and hypnotherapy has made such a difference to my life. Things are different at home, my wife and I are closer than ever and are able to resolve any problems easily just by talking things through. My son and I are also able to talk again. I hadn’t realised how distant we’d become and how much I’d missed hearing him talk to me about his hobbies, his day at school, anything that excited him. I feel that I still have some way to go to completely resolve my childhood trauma but with Clare’s help, I know this will be possible!